Flash of Life
by snorting chords
Summary: Thoughts of a dying Orion; five conversations Gaila would never get to have.
1. Beginning of the End

**A/N: **Alright, I keep getting distracted from 'Of Pon Farr and Hover Bikes'. I was feeling ill and uncreative but then I saw the angsty prompt on the LJ kinkmeme about "5 conversations Gaila never got to have" and I just had to do, get the angst out of my system. I'll finish awkward Vulcan bonding soon, I promise. I've even got a bonus chapter in the works! Rated T for minor reference to sexytimes and contains much angst. Separated into little, easily readable chapters for your pleasure!

**Disclaimer: **Do not, will not ever own this. You can try to sue me but it'd be illogical.

* * *

Gaila heard somewhere that when you die, your entire life flashes before your eyes. At the time it sounded kind of amazing, because fuck, if she's going to die then she'll have some fantastic memories to see her into the beyond. She's done a lot (of people, of things) in her life, and she's going to do a hell of a lot more.

Except when she's cuddled in the corner of the _Farragut_, watching as the hull slowly comes apart piece by piece (it's not slow at all, it's really fast and so many lives are blinked out of existence in nanoseconds but time drags on when it's the last you've got) it doesn't pan out that way. There's no flashes of the great times she's had, no warm, encompassing glow and sated feeling of being loved.

Whoever started peddling that lie _really _needs to rethink their theory.

But what she does get, what flies through her mind as she's bracing herself for that one last hit that's going to tear everything apart, is regret. There's so many things that she wanted to do, people she had on her list so creatively titled 'people to do' and a whole universe out there she planned on seeing. But most of all, there were things she wanted to say. Things that she figured she would have the time to say, after all this is done.

She never expected to be warping into a Romulan trap.

Everyone else in Engineering is dead. It happened so fast that none of them stood a chance. It was only her quick thinking, her instincts that propelled her underneath the tubes and out of the blast, that bought her these precious few seconds. She tried to think of something she could do to help before she spotted the crack appearing in the metallic wall. They're all doomed, and all she has are her thoughts.

And they go like this.


	2. I love you, James Kirk

_She never told Jim Kirk that she wasn't in love with him._

First year of Starfleet wasn't the bundle of fun Gaila thought it would be. She never expected it to be easy of course, or everyone would be doing it. And it's not like she has a family to miss back home.

But she'd thought that it would be a veritable feast of new cultures for her to sample, boys and girls laid out in front of her like a buffet of love. She really likes that phrase; buffet of love. It's how she sees life. Gaila is very much a lover not a fighter, and even though most people tell her that Starfleet isn't right for her if that's her motto, she likes to disagree. Because she's read the rules _really_ carefully, and deep space exploration is all about discovering new cultures and embracing them into the Federation. If _that_ isn't a declaration of love, she doesn't know what is.

And she figures out really quickly that's she's as near to perfect as Engineering is going to get. There's just something about computers and complex equations that she knows, knows as well as she knows the inside of her own body. It's no surprise to her – though it is to her instructors, like she can't get laid and do her homework – when she's practically top of her class. So the infamous Starfleet curriculum, she thinks, isn't that bad.

But she hadn't counted on the overwhelming loneliness of it all.

They tell her four weeks and eighteen Cadets in that while Starfleet absolutely approves of the fact she's an out and proud Orion, not everyone shared her enthusiasm for polyamorous sexual practices. So they whip her up a bunch of pheromone suppressors. They don't dampen her sexual urges at all but they stop everyone from reacting to her as strongly. She still gets laid, but not quite as much. They even give her a room all to herself, so she can be as Orion as she likes.

But she learns seven days into this new routine that she doesn't like it at all.

The suppressors play havoc with her system and some days she just wants to stay in bed and cry. Cry because her body aches. Cry because she's stuck inside all day and not getting enough sunlight. Cry because her pheromones have definitely halted the amount of sex she's getting, and all the people she does pick up really aren't as open in the bedroom as she'd like them to be. But most of all she wants to cry because for the first time in her life she feels completely and utterly alone.

She sees the other Cadets with room mates, sees them laughing over lunch and sharing little in jokes that only come with waking up with someone. She has friends sure, and she absolutely _loves_ them. But they could be closer, much closer. And when she sees parents coming to visit their children on campus, sees the glowing pride in their faces, she wishes for the first time in her life that someone would be proud of her. She's proud of her and for years it was enough. But – and she never tells anyone about it – she finds herself waking up with dried tears on her pillow.

It's not that she's depressed or anything. This life is so much better than the one she left behind.

But now she understands what humans mean by sometimes being in a crowded room and feeling totally alone, and Gaila really doesn't like it.

And then Jim Kirk comes alone and Gaila loves him.

She tells the campus officers that she'd love a room mate and they find her Nyota, who is pretty much heaven in a chocolate flavored wrapper. (Alright, she doesn't know if Ny actually tastes like chocolate but she'd be willing to bet good money on it.) With Nyota comes Jim Kirk, and not willingly. She first meets him when he's following her room mate around with a kicked puppy look, begging her to tell him her name.

"Oh! It's-" She's elbowed impolitely in the side by Nyota before she can finish, and for the first time in three minutes Jim notices that there is someone else. It's really a first for Gaila, being ignored for another woman, but she loves Nyota and oddly the rejection doesn't bother her. Not that she feels rejected for long, because Jim finds her far more willing to put up with her advances and soon transfers his infatuations.

And for three years he is everything she loves in a man. Seriously, if she was going to commit to one person for her entire life (which she would _never_ do) it would be James Tiberius Kirk. The fact that many other Cadets share her sentiments doesn't bother her. She encourages him to seek out other girls, to compare and contrast and learn from his encounters. In turn for her never-ending understanding there is absolutely nothing he won't do for her.

In the three years they're Cadets together, she gets him to wear a butt plug for the entire day. To all his classes and a night out. No other human male (she found a girl in her second year who was really open to the idea, but for some reason it was gay for a guy to do it. Gaila found this ridiculous since half of them were actually sleeping with guys as well as her, but whatever.) does it for her, but Jim is open to everything. Even the threesome with the Nteng-Hai slime alien with fifteen tentacles. He breaks into the security office to steal the recording of her screwing her basic comms professor in the mess hall after dark. When an alien insults her honor (because she does have some thank you very much) he beats the crap out of it and gets a demerit in the process.

They have the perfect relationship. They can screw who they like, push each other to do insane stuff and just be themselves. Gaila can count on one hand the people she can be herself around, and she loves that Jim is one of them. She shows this affection by setting him up with the best of her conquests, including a very flexible gymnast who could literally put her legs behind her ears.

So when they're celebrating the successful hack of uptight Commander Spock's program with an impromptu quickie in her dorm room, she lets the sentiment slip. Jim, I think I love you.

And then he freaks, and Nyota interrupts before she can explain that she's not actually in love with him. Everything happens so fast after that with the hearing and the distress signal, that Gaila never gets a chance to explain. If she did, she thinks it would kind of go like, "hey Jim, you're like an insanely hot brother I'm not blood related to, so it's totally okay to sleep with you. I love you." In an odd way, Jim Kirk becomes family to Gaila somewhere in the course of three years.

But she never gets a chance to tell him that.


	3. Mother, Mother

_She never got the chance to tell her mother that she forgives her._

When she tells people where she's from, they immediately assume Gaila hates her mother. Because they can sit there and read about Orion culture all they like, say they're accepting and understanding, but when it comes down to it no human can understand how a mother would sell her own child. So they ask Gaila if she's angry at her, and then when she says she's really not they get this look in their eye like they don't believe her, but they'll humor her anyway.

What Gaila doesn't tell them is that she was angry, and that is the shocking thing.

She was barely eight when her mom shipped her off to the highest bidder, and Gaila hated her. She wasn't like the other kids. She was insanely bright and always scurrying around, fiddling with gizmos and gadgets she shouldn't. In hindsight that was probably why her mom sold her so early, didn't wait until she was ten like the other girls. But the main difference between her and everyone else was that she really didn't want to be there.

When the Starfleet officers were waiting their turn with her mom, when she was too young to service them and instead became an audience for their outlandish stories, she looked at them and knew that was what she wanted to do. She didn't want to be stuck being some slave for whoever paid her the most. She wanted choices. She wanted freedom. Most of all, she wanted the stars. And every Starfleet officer that patted her on the head and winked before stepping into her mother's bedroom passed a little of their passion onto her. The thing that separated her from every other Orion was that she knew she deserved them.

So when her mother ships her off to work in the nearest pleasure palace until she's old enough to be a 'courtesan' (apparently naming themselves after ancient earth prostitutes makes it classier) Gaila is upset, angry, full of hatred. She figured that her mom loved her, cared about her and wanted the best for her. All the moms in the stories she read did. And sometimes her own mother would be like them, would comb her hair and say she was beautiful. Sometimes at night, she seemed almost human.

But as she realized she'd never see her mother again, and she was the only one crying over that fact, she knew the woman who gave birth to her would never be human.

Years down the line, Gaila is okay with that. She's standing in the halls of Starfleet for the very first time when that realization strikes. She aces the entrance exams _obviously_ and they invite her for some initiation thing which basically translates as standing around having the obvious pointed out to them. But Gaila is so unbelievably happy that her dreams are coming true that she doesn't care. She listens, she takes it all in, she even makes notes! The boys around her are shooting smiles left, right and centre because she can't keep a control on her pheromones but it doesn't matter because she's here.

Then a noise from the side interrupts her thoughts. Nobody else seems to be bothered, but Gaila is a curious person so she surreptitiously sneaks a glance to the side to see the cause of the distraction. Standing in the courtyard a few hundred yards away is a Vulcan. She can tell by the point of his ears, the uptight way he's holding himself. With him is another Vulcan, and a human woman. Normally she wouldn't care because Vulcans are the most painfully boring creatures in the entire universe, all blah blah logic blah blah intellect. Gaila can appreciate brains but come on, that appreciation only goes so far on a cold, lonely night.

But then she catches sight of the way the human woman is holding onto the older Vulcan like they're a couple and she thinks, hello this Vulcan isn't quite as uptight as she thought. And the other one looks too like them both for it to be a coincidence. Clearly this is a happy little family, and if there's one thing Gaila loves it's family. Surprising since she never had one.

The guide isn't saying anything particularly interesting, so Gaila sneaks a little further away from the group and closer to the Vulcan Bunch. She doesn't mean to overhear, she just wanted a closer look. But she does, and she's only Orion.

"Sylek has completed the ritual of Kohlinar." the older Vulcan comments, causing the human woman to frown up at him.

"My good wishes to him." the younger one replies, just as even and smooth his father. Wow these Vulcans even speak boring, Gaila thinks, ready to pay attention to the guide. At least he was animated.

"He will do well. I predict that he shall take my place at the High Council, when it is my time to pass."

Gaila assumes that Sylek is this guy's older son because he's babbling on about him like a proud parent whose kid just took their first steps.

"He was always great in intellect, and indeed in physical prowess. I recall his attempts to elicit a physical response from me after classes was most effective." It's delivered in the same smooth tones as before, but even Gaila can pick up on a "fuck you" when she hears one.

The older Vulcan raises one brow, then turns to look out at the rest of the Academy. "I assumed Starfleet Academy would be more... advanced."

"Sarek." The woman had finally spoken up, and Gaila could see her hand tighten around his. She turns to face her son, a warm smile on her face. "We're so proud of you Spock, aren't we?" Sarek says absolutely nothing, simply breaks away from the group to wander over to a display meant for the new Cadets. The woman sighs and in turn picks up Spock's hand, attempting to envelop him in an embrace. He allows her to do so, but makes no move to reciprocate.

"Pride is illogical. I have done nothing to earn such a sentiment. Perhaps disappointment would be a more appropriate suggestion." His voice doesn't waver, but Gaila can sense the disappointment of his own in it, the wretched feeling of knowing a parent doesn't approve.

As she wanders back to the group, she realizes that family doesn't always mean you're loved. She can't escape the fact that she was born different, that her mother had different expectations than she did. It was only natural for her to react the way she had.

So right then and there, Gaila decides that she forgives her mother because there was nothing else for her to do. It was how things were done for thousands and thousands of years. It was only natural.

This is what Gaila tells people when they ask how she can't hate a woman who sold her. That it's just her nature. She made peace with it a while ago, and as soon as she can find her, she's going to tell her mother that she doesn't mind, she's okay with it.

But she never gets the chance to find her.


	4. Ohana means Family

_She never got the chance to tell Nyota that she's family._

When Gaila _finally _gets assigned a room mate, she's not exactly thrilled. She knows that she should be because she wanted someone to bond with, a girlfriend to watch stupid movies and eat ice cream with. But they tell her in the office that the only person in need of a room mate is... difficult. That's the word they use. But Gaila thinks she's getting pretty good at reading people, so she figures out what they really mean to say is a complete and utter bitch.

So as she's moving her stuff into the double room, she's dreading meeting this ice queen that even the hellions of the dorm office hate. A quick hack into the system shows that N. Uhura has been through two room mates in seven months. And Gaila would bet all the money she has in the world they were a hell of a lot easier than her. Because while she thinks she's really awesome, she knows that she's all kinds of difficult. She enjoys mess. Something about the freedom of being able to choose where her clothes go and not having someone to tell her to keep it clean. She also enjoys spending forever in the bathroom and bringing people back for sexcapades.

Her research of human behaviour has shown that all these things are not desirable for a room mate.

So when N. Uhura appears in the door, Gaila is relieved. For one, she's absolutely gorgeous. Her smooth caramel colored skin is breathtaking and Gaila immediately wants to run her hands all over it. It looks really smooth, absolutely soft to the touch and she is insanely jealous of the person who gets to lick it. Maybe that could be her in a couple of months, but she wants to take things slow and not fuck this up. Not all girls were open to that, she'd soon learnt. It was a personal peeve of hers. How could so many human be so close minded?

But it wasn't just the skin that Gaila is enamoured with, or the way she was so effortlessly balancing several PADDs and a book bag while chewing on what Gaila guesses is the last of her lunch. Or the fact the Cadet reds looked pretty spectacular over her curves. She wasn't even in love with the fantastic bright colors of her earrings (jade, like her!).

No, what Gaila likes best about N. Uhura was that she's not scary at all. The first thing she does when she sees Gaila is burst into a smile, and finds a way to place her stuff – neatly – on the bed before rushing to help her with her own boxes.

"I'm Nyota." is all she says, and like that Gaila is done for.

The next three years are really hard, and as much as Gaila likes to think they were friends from the first smile it's a complete lie. The reason, she later learns, that Nyota went through so many room mates, was because she was a perfectionist. First year Cadets aren't known for their sticking power, which is why so many of them drop out of certain classes when they get too hard. But not Nyota. Gaila finds her up studying to complete extra credit work _she asks for_ and three days after she moves in Ny lays down some rules that are absolutely, under no circumstances, to be broken.

Number one is no sex-overs on exam nights. The rule is first no sex-overs at all, but Gaila pleads and pouts, and Nyota finally gives in. Exam nights are a no-no and other than that she asks that she just be a little discreet and give her fair warning. Gaila concedes this is reasonable.

Rule number two is that she doesn't hog the bathroom for longer than forty five minutes at a time. She can come out, let Nyota do her thing, and then spend all night in there for all she cares. But they have to share and apparently two hour long soaks when Nyota has appointments to get to are not acceptable. She breaks that one a couple of times but after the first year she thinks she's doing pretty well.

Three is that Gaila keep her mess on her side of the room. Simple enough, even if Nyota has to toe back a thong every now and then.

And number four, which Gaila really hates, is that she's not allowed to sleep with any of her professors or lab partners. It really sucks because some of them are so damned cute. But Nyota doesn't want to have the awkward "so you slept with my room mate" talk with any of them. So she does her best to keep her hands to herself.

There is the one slip up in their third year, but in her defense he was _really_ cute.

But when these rules are met and appeased, Nyota is the most charming, brilliant and sweet human Gaila meets at Starfleet. She holds back her hair when the suppressors they give her make her sick every morning. She finds a discreet med student when she thinks she might be pregnant with an Andorian baby. (She's not, thank god because those babies would not be cute.) And even though she never gets to sleep with her, there are nights when Gaila is sick to the stomach from lack of physical contact, suppressors and no sunlight and Nyota crawls into bed with her and falls asleep there, like a human teddy bear.

All in all, they are perfect room mates. Differences and heated arguments when Nyota finds Kirk under her bed aside.

But what Gaila never tells her on those nights when she's physically sick from all the fucking around with her body and not enough of what she needs, is that the one thing she needed the most was a friend. A true, honest-to-god would die for you friend. Most of the people Gaila befriends are sweet and kind, loving and charming as hell. Most of them are great in bed too. But she knows that there is a limit to their affections. And while Gaila certainly doesn't think she'd find it in uptight Vulcan-lover N. Uhura, she does. A missing piece of the puzzle that is her constant life amongst humans.

What she never tells Nyota is that while she requested a room mate, she got a sister. It's not a word she ever really understood before she met her but now she does. All the nights that they fall asleep together in bed, over books, in the hover-cab after a long night, Gaila realizes when people ask her if she's got a family, she doesn't have to say no anymore.

She can say yes, I've got a gorgeous sister Ny, and she's just brilliant.

But she never gets the chance to tell her that.


	5. It's not easy being Green

_She never got the chance to ask Spock what the hell his intentions were with Nyota._

To say that Gaila is shocked when she finds out Nyota is boinking (which is seriously an awesome word for sex) her Vulcan professor is something of an understatement. It's not that he's not hot. For a Vulcan he's practically gorgeous and in human terms he's not too shabby either. There's a rumor floating around that his parents had to engineer him and if it's true, she really wants to commend them on a fine job. She can admire him even if he won't sleep with her. She asked, he politely declined. She wasn't fool enough to try and hit on a Vulcan twice.

But she just assumes that Spock isn't into sex. Not because he doesn't take her up on her offer, but because she watches countless girls – and guys – hit on the Vulcan hottie and absolutely nothing happens.

Plus Nyota hasn't exactly shown an avid interest in sex either. Gaila counted six months without sex and it was so painful she offered her own services up, as well as the services of many other talented individuals. Nyota had calmly informed her she was capable of finding her own partners, she just wasn't interested in sex right now and if she ever offered up Kirk again it wouldn't be pretty.

So when Gaila walks in on Spock and Ny going at it on her bed she can't help but drop her PADD in utter shock. Nyota looks up and flushes red, while Spock does the Vulcan equivalent.

"Gaila!" Nyota screams, pulling Spock closer to her to cover the fact she was completely topless. Gaila slaps a hand over her eyes and turns around, feeling her way back out of the door. She gives them thirty seconds, unable to contain herself any longer and bursts back in. Thankfully Spock has his clothes back on and Nyota's wrapped a sheet around her.

"Spock?!" she blurts out, still processing the image of Spock doing that to her room mate. It's one hell of an image and Gaila is putting that in what humans call a spank bank. But still. Spock. And Nyota. The two most appropriate people in the Academy in a very inappropriate situation is frying her brain a little.

"I do not believe stating my name will change the situation Cadet." Spock comments, raising a brow as Nyota pushes him towards the door, murmuring something in a language she doesn't understand before pressing her fingers against his. Well that settles it. Gaila may not be up on Vulcan culture, but she knows a lot about a lot of cultures mating rituals and somewhere in the back of her mind it clicks that's a very personal thing. This is clearly not the first time this has happened, and it's clearly not just sex either.

Spock returns the gesture, nodding his head and muttering a quick "Cadet Gaila" before he's out the door so she can't interrogate him further.

"Spock." she repeats.

Nyota nods, sitting down on her bed and tightening her grip on the sheet. "Yes. Spock."

"You're sleeping with Spock."

"Yes Gaila! I'm sleeping with Spock alright!"

"_Spock._"

The surprise is too much. She can't actually form any other words than Spock, Nyota, fucking. It just doesn't compute in her mind. Clearly Nyota is getting tired of the repetition because she groans loudly and flops back on the bed.

There is silence for a long time as Gaila sits there trying to think about how the hell this came about. Nyota breaks it with a sigh, turning her head to the side to gaze at her room mate.

"It's not just sex." The way she says it, it's like she's trying to justify it more to herself than Gaila. Gods know she wouldn't judge her. In fact she's about three seconds away from announcing a party because Nyota finally got laid. It's been a while. She's been counting.

"Didn't look it. That thing," Gaila wiggles her fingers. "That's kind of special, right?" Nyota nods and bites her lip nervously. It all clicks then. She's been hiding this a while and although it's kind of embarrassing to be found out this way, she's glad that she is. Because now she can talk about it.

Which they do, for about six hours. They both skip their classes for the rest of the day and Nyota gets dressed so they can do the old fashioned thing and talk about boys over ice cream. So they spend the rest of the day in an ice cream parlour five blocks over, discussing the Vulcan hottie.

By the end of the evening Gaila is absolutely, one hundred percent sure that Nyota is in love with Spock. Apparently it all started one evening as they were marking papers. Gaila had interrupted the story there to make Ny promise it got better because seriously, how boring? Surprisingly it had been Spock who made the first move, muttering something about how she was distracting him and so it was only logical. Gaila squealed in the right places, looked thoughtful when she should and comforted her when she confessed her worries about whether or not this was the right thing to do.

"It's only logical." Gaila says with a firm nod.

Three months later and Gaila still doesn't get the chance to corner Spock and warn him against hurting Nyota. There's something insanely fierce inside her that comes out whenever she thinks someone is going to upset her. It's not an Orion thing, because they didn't really give a damn about family. No, it's just a Gaila thing, and she wants to make sure that Spock has nothing but good intentions. Outside the bedroom of course. Maybe give him a little lesson on what Nyota likes, based on the porn collection she really didn't hide well enough.

But then everything goes to hell in a handbasket (another amazing earth saying) and the chance is lost.

She thinks that it would have gone something like:

"Spock, I hope you're going to take good care of her."

"I assure you my intentions are sound. I have no desire to hurt Nyota. Blah blah blah I'm really logical about shit but I love her so don't worry."

"Good. Also, you better be pleasing her in bed. I know where her porn stash is if you want to do some research. For pointers."

And then she imagines that he'd turn green, and she'd ask if it was true that his dick was green too.

But she never gets the chance to find out if Vulcans have glow in the dark erections.

All things considered, Gaila thinks that Spock is deeply, insanely in love with Nyota too. She saw it before she _saw_ it, the way his eyes would linger on her just a little longer than they should. The way he walked her home every night, even though their office was just a building over from their dorm. The time that Nyota got really, really sick and he turned up in the med bay with a bowl of chicken soup looking all kinds of awkward.

Out of every man in the universe, Gaila couldn't pick better for her friend, her sister.

It's a damn shame she'll never get to tell him that.


	6. Heroes

_She never got the chance to tell Captain Christopher Pike that she owes him everything._

Every time Gaila dreams, she dreams of Captain Pike. It's not a sexual thing (although there are the odd few of those thrown in there too, he's super hot for an old guy) and she doesn't do it very often because Orions don't exactly dream. Or sleep for that matter. It's more a courtesy thing at this point, as she gets all her energy from the sunlight. But when she's stuck inside all day without direct light, mimicking the humans and resting in bed does the trick as well.

She's not even sure that it's Pike, because in her dreams the man doesn't have a face. But as she feels the unmistakable warmth wash over her, the feeling that things are going to be okay, she knows who it is.

The man who gave her everything.

The first time she meets Captain Pike, he's still just a Commander on some exploration in the delta quadrant where she's fifteen and working as a dancer in a Orion cocktail bar. (The irony of the earth song is really not lost on her.) It's shore leave for two days. Gaila knows this just as she knows what his colors mean because ever since her first meeting with a Starfleet officer, she's researched whatever she could on the Federation. To her it's this glorious place where she's not made to please men because she has to, but because she wants to. It's full of promise and hope, and she clings desperately to that unreachable dream when she wants to curl up and die. She's not happy with this life, being bartered and sold like she's not a person. Because she very much is.

At first she thought all officers would think like her, that they'd find a way to get her out of this life and give her freedom, give her choices to be her own person. But over the years Gaila's view of these upstanding gentlemen becomes tainted, every man that makes hands at her stripping away a layer of hope that someone will help her get out of here.

That is until Christopher Pike walks into the bar. The manager assigns her to him, saying that he's some up and comer in Starfleet so keep him happy no matter what. The bar has been in a lot of trouble with the Federation, so whenever one of them comes in they're top priority. The guys enjoy this, get a kick of of having their own personal slaves for the duration of their shore leave. Slowly resigning herself to this life, Gaila just accepts this without questions and sidles over to him, plastering a dazzling smile on her face.

It's kind of off-putting when he doesn't ask for a drink, or a lap dance. Instead he says, "what's got you so down?"

"N-nothing. Nothing at all." She tries to convince him, puts on her best flirtatious smile. But he's not fooled and every pass she makes at him he simply asks her again why she's so blue. (Which, at first, is really confusing because she's _green_, hello?)

In the end she caves. It's humiliating at first, the fact that she can't stop all these thoughts and feelings from pouring out. She doesn't break down. She does her job, and does it well. She's one of the youngest girls in the place, but she's learnt the tricks fast. It gets the men out of there quicker. Still, he simply sits back and lets her babble on, reaches forwards to pat her shoulder when she finds herself in tears. Smiles when she mentions Starfleet, and the Federation, and how she wishes she was there and not here.

"Starfleet is hard." he warns her. She's not sure if it's his intention to stop her tears by making her mad, but it works.

"I'm smart." she counters. Gaila makes him hand over his comm and then proceeds to prise it open, rearrange the wiring and put it back together. "There." To her satisfaction it works, the sound coming through crisper than before.

"That's pretty damn impressive." Pike concedes after a moment of deliberation in which he spent fiddling with the device. "You know, I'm kind of stubborn." Gaila snorts at this. It's obvious. "I'm a big fan of challenges. The ungettable get. You know we don't have any Orions in Starfleet. Federation won't work with them with the syndicate in practice. It's a damn shame." With that he's up and moving over to the manager.

Three days later, Gaila is on a ship heading back to earth.

She's not sure why Pike does it. Why he fights to enlist her in a secondary school to fast track a basic education, why he finds a foster family willing to take her. She'd like to say that she made it out of that place on her own, that she didn't need a man to save her. Heroes didn't exist anymore. Except they did, and while she made damn sure she graduated from school with top grades, despite doing ten years of work in three, she owes a lot to Captain Pike as he becomes three months after she sets foot on earth.

When she enlists in Starfleet, there is a glowing reference from him in her application. When she gets hauled in front of a tribunal for numerous demerits (apparently public sex is forbidden, who know?) he's there fighting her corner. He points out that Orions behave in different ways, and Starfleet should be more considerate of other species. They expect people to welcome them, so it should work the same way for her. Later when she sobs on his shoulder and swears that she won't ever have sex again and she shouldn't be here, he simply listens.

"Just remember kiddo. You _chose_ to sleep with them. Nobody forced you. Everything you do here, it's all on your back. I'm not saying that freedom doesn't come with a price, with a certain responsibility. But it's all up to you. That's what you wanted, don't forget it. I know you can do better than this."

So she realizes that she might not have rescued herself, but she can take her freedom and do the very best she possibly can. Make Captain Pike proud. It becomes something of a motto over the years, make him proud. Most of all, make _herself_ proud. He just gave her the means, she had to do the rest.

When Kirk tells her that Pike recruited him with something of the same promise, she simply smiles. It doesn't surprise her.

Gaila doesn't even try to sleep with Pike over the years, though she wouldn't mind the experience. And slowly he backs off, stops fighting in her corner so she learns to do it herself. By the time her second year rolls around, she only speaks to him a handful of times a year, just to tell him that she's doing great. He's not surprised.

The day of her final exams, he sends her a brief transmission. 'Well done kiddo, you made your dreams come true.' The sentiment means a lot to her, and she's about to type a reply telling him exactly how much his support has meant to her, thank him for saving her life in more ways than one. Then Jim turns up and she makes a mental note to do it later.

She'll never get the chance to send that transmission.


	7. Oh Glory, Glory

Gaila expected that in her final moments, she'd cry. She wasn't big on the whole emotional show and could only count a handful of times she'd actually broken down in tears. But if you couldn't cry when you were faced with certain death, when could you?

The crack in the wall is getting larger and larger with each blast that rocks through the ship. The rest of the fleet have already been destroyed. They were last out of the jump, so they're jump to fall. Her mind calculates that the _Farragut_ will probably be able to take one, maybe two more before it's blown to pieces.

But she's _not_ crying. She raises a hand to her cheek just to make sure but it's dry. Which is surprising because all her friends, everyone that meant anything to her have been blown into tiny pieces and become stardust. All of the regret, everything she didn't do and would never get the chance to. Finding out if Vulcan dicks were green. Figuring out if McCoy and Kirk were more than friends, because she totally had her doubts even if they said no to that threesome. Growing old with Nyota. Serving under Captain Pike.

Instead she found herself thinking about those people who she had so much to say to. Wondering what they'd possibly say in this situation. Kirk would cock that adorable grin and ask her if she thought the angels were going to be hot. She'd tell him if heaven was real, there was no way either of them were headed there. But apparently the devils are gorgeous. Spock would comment with some statistic, or maybe he'd just grab Ny by the hand and hold her tight until nothing could tear them apart. Pike would call her kiddo, say it was an honor. She'd say the same, and she'd mean it. And Nyota... She'd hold Nyota close, and she'd tell her that she'd always wanted to go out with family. Then she'd tell Gaila that they weren't sharing a room in the afterlife.

One more blast rocks the ship, and already Gaila can feel the vibrations from the space outside, tearing its way through what's left.

As the last photon hits, Gaila remembers that as you die, your entire life flashes before your eyes. So she grabs on tight to everything, to the love, the regret, the good times and the bad, and rides on out in a blaze of glory.


End file.
